Youtube Vlogger and part time crime fighter.






(Source: divinedorothy)


Loosing someone or something can be the most painful and emotionally devastating thing a person or even the human race will have to deal with and face. Whither it’s loosing a pet, a toy, a sibling, a sister a mother, brother, aunt, uncle, best friend or anybody who had some sort of significance in your life. Loosing that someone or something can turn your life literally upside down, you go from laughing with them, crying with them, to not having them at all, not being able to enjoy their company, their time, their anything. I’m going through this at the moment, almost; it is the most heart-breaking thing I have ever experienced ever. And I would never wish this feeling upon anyone ever. To know you can’t talk to that certain someone, never see the joy and happiness they once had in their eyes, to then seeing nothing is terrifying. We all have to deal with loss, we all will mourn in our lifetime. It’s part of life. It’s a part of having this amazing opportunity of living, breathing, feeling alive. But I know that I have to feels all these emotions that I’m bottling up, I can’t pretend that I’m okay because I’m not. Pain is meant to be felt, so i’m going to feel it, because I need to and I want to. I know you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be in a better place and I need the time to accept that and know that I will smile again but that doesn’t mean I will love you any less, because that is impossible.

But the one thing I want to talk about, to highlight, is the part I’m most scared of. I know that I will miss hugging that someone and talking to the someone but I can get used to that, knowing that the time I had with that someone was special and was good and treasured every moment, every minute, and every second of it. But the one thing I’m scared of is entire forgetting. I am so terrified in forgetting you that it gets so overwhelming I just break down in tears. This person has meant the world to me at such a young age, influencing me and teaching me how to care and love, without hurting. I am so terrified that I will forget about her for a second, then a minute then a day and a year, then just altogether. I feel like if I did that I will completely dishonor her memory and how much I love for her and care for her. She has been there through it all, the divorcé, and the break up and makes ups of friendships and relationships. Even though she wouldn’t be able to comprehend any of it, she would snuggle up to me and make me laugh with her strange snores and adorable puppy eyes. She has strangely taught me how to care and love, how to be empathetic and sympathetic towards another person/things. I am scared of forgetting the way she would snore during her sleep, opening up doors and then walking out, annoying my friends, and the way she would always sit in front or just practically onto of me when I am ever on the ground with her, I am scared of forgetting her sprinting towards me when I return from somewhere that wasn’t home. I’m scared I’ll forget the whistle and call I had specially for her when I would call her because I’d missed her and just wanted to play with her, I’m scared how annoyed I would get when she would go to the creak and get all muddy and rub it on the carpet, I’m scared I’ll forget her soft ears, and fur. I’m scared that I’ll forget her amazing and adorable personality. I don’t want to forget these tiny and most important memories of her. She has been my baby, my companion for 14 years, and I can’t imagine life without her. I am sitting here heart broken, and have no idea what to do. I am so lost. I know she was only a dog, but she was my dog, and I love her so much, more than anything/anyone on this entire planet and I am so sad she is leaving me. No matter what I do, I’m scared I will forget, and she is one thing I NEVER want to forget. She is so dear to my heart it hurts. I just love her so much and I wish that I could have her by my side until I’m old and grey. But I can’t have that, no one can and that is shit, complete and utter shit, because feeling like I do now makes me not want to get close and fall in love ever. But that’s just not life. Lives come and go (some more faster than others) and it’s not fair, I would so change that if I had the power to. But the only good thing that comes out of all the bull shit and is sort of stupid, is that they still teach you important life lessons after they have gone. They teach you appreciation, appreciation for them, their memories, appreciation for who they were and what they did, and how they impacted you. They teach you to appreciate moments in your life you will never get back, and they teach you to appreciate the people around you, the opportunity you get given and anything that life will present to you. They teach you these things after they have gone and that’s one of the best lessons you can learn in life, and that’s definitely what Bella has taught me and I will always thank her for that. I love her with all of my heart and my soul for that, and I will always hold her close to my heart. She has been the best fur baby I could have, she was my first fur baby and I love her to the ends of the earth. I will miss you so much baby. You are my number one, and will always be the shiniest star in the sky at night, every night. Our time together is very near the end and I just want to know that you are the most irritating and annoying person in my life, but I wouldn’t change that for ANYHTING. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for every moment we have shared together, you are my infinity, I love you so, goodbye for now Bell Bell xo.